You're Sovereign Still...

I'm sitting thinking about what I thought my life would look like 6 months ago. Six months ago, I thought that today I would be living in Waco, working a job (some part-time something I found), preparing to move to Nashville for the summer to work my 6th and final summer of camp (my second summer as director, my second summer in Nashville), all the while preparing to move to Sierra Leone, West Africa in the Fall.

I write this from my parents' house in Arlington, where I have been living since December. I am no longer working camp, and I am no longer pursuing a move to West Africa. I am working a part-time job, so I got one thing right, I guess. :)

Sometimes life throws us curveballs, things we were not expecting at all. Six months ago, those were my plans. Everything was working out right. Things were going the way I planned for them to.

Then, about six months ago, curveball one came. I felt like I needed to move to Arlington, instead of staying in Waco. Truly this was the Lord's leading, and now that I look back on that decision, I see it was most definitely the right one.

About a month later, curveball two came. I had to make the difficult decision to walk away from an organization that I loved dearly, because I felt that I was not fully supported in my calling to preach. Although there was a ton of pain and hurt and grief and anger that came from this, I have learned so much about myself, about my calling, about the importance of standing up for who the Lord is calling me to be, and I know it was the right decision. But it wasn't easy.

And now, curveball three, I come to the decision to not move to West Africa. It is not that I will never go. It is just that right now at this point in my life I am not called to go. Although this has been hard to understand and to wrestle through, it is the decision that I know the Lord is leading me to. I do believe that Sierra Leone has a huge part of my heart, and some day I will go there, but that time is not now.

So, I'm here. In Arlington. Not where I thought I would be, but where I am supposed to be. In the midst of everything that happened that first week of December, I was offered a position at the same place where I did my mentoring for seminary. In this job, I've had the opportunity to serve the people of Sierra Leone here, in Arlington. I've loved hearing the stories of what the Lord is doing there. Seeing the pictures of all the work the Lord is doing and meeting our partners on Skype or over phone calls to hear and see all that the Lord is doing during this Ebola Virus outbreak has been such a blessing. I've learned so much about ministry, about myself, and about my calling, in ways that I never knew I needed to learn. I am so thankful that although this wasn't my plan originally, I am thankful it is my life now.

Hillsong United has a song called "None but Jesus." The second verse and chorus have brought much comfort during this time and other times in my life.

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
 In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
 When you call I won't delay
 This my song through all my days
There is no one else for me
 None but Jesus
 Crucified to set me free
 Now I live to bring Him praise

Amen. Thank You Jesus that in the midst of the chaos and confusion and plans, You are sovereign still. You are sovereign always. In the midst of my planning and the undoing of my plans, You have brought peace and comfort. You knew what would happen, and You have been there the whole time. Thank You.